[09:19] Jillian: haha Slarti, I am two for two in Dr. Scott's quiz. Clearly I would be an awesome comic book doctor.
[09:20] Slarti: hahaha
[09:20] Jillian: aw I missed the third. still, 2/3 isn't bad >_> it's certainly much better than Dr. Crane.
[09:22] Slarti: So, not quite ready to be The Best (Neuro|Plastic|Cardiothoracic)Surgeon in the World, then.

---

[21:57] Takhys: Slarti, my heart, I suspect that you will appreciate this. My midterm was so terrible that after it was over (and a few beers into the recoup phase) one of the guys in my class described it thusly: 'Okay, do you know comics?  I feel like that exam was thrown off the Washington bridge and no matter how I tried to catch it, something DIED.'
[21:58] Jillian: lmao.
[21:59] Takhys: I asked him if he thought the final would just be a clone of the midterm.
[21:59] Takhys: ...and was promptly stabbed.
[22:03] Slarti: hahahha
[22:03] Slarti: Alternative response: "So, you found it was a snap, then?"
[22:03] Takhys: Boo, hiss.

---

[11:35] Jillian: /enfolds takh in a pancake
[11:35] Takhys: :o
[11:35] Takhys: I am delicious.
[11:38] Jakavedria: /nibble
[11:39] Takhys: /tastes of pamcake
[11:39] Takhys: http://www.comicspace.com/droog811/comics.php?action=read&file_id=149086
[11:43] Ariel: pamcakes is my favourite hellboy comic
[11:43] Takhys: And Ariel, you're my favourite pamcake.
[11:50] *** Ariel has left the chat.
[11:50] Slarti: She will never come back to us now.

[15:13] Jillian: haha, Slarti, I'm reading Blue Beetle #28, and there apparently exists a Grand Theft Gotham. this is SO going directly into my canon.
[15:14] Slarti: heh
[15:14] Claire: =_= fff.
[15:15] Claire: ... i would so play that.
[15:15] Jillian: That would be so awesome.
[15:16] Slarti: Wanted Levels in the game:
* - A beat cop.
** - A cop car.
*** - A few cop cars.
**** - Cop cars and a chopper.
***** - The Batman.
[15:16] Jillian: Hee hee.
[15:18] Slarti: Actually, no, I suppose that "realistically" speaking, it wouldn't work that way... Rather, every time your Wanted Level changes, there's always some percentage chance that you'll just get The Batman, even if all you've done is kill one guy.
[15:18] Claire: hahaha how much would that suck
[15:18] Claire: level 1, you're not even sure how the controls work
[15:18] Claire: surprise: batman.
[15:18] Jillian: hahahah
[15:19] Liz: "YOUR DAYS OF CRIME ARE OVER, SON"
[15:19] Liz: i want it to be 1960's batman >_>
[15:19] Claire: EXPLODING SHARK BONUS LEVEL
[15:19] Slarti: Well, to be fair, if it works like in GTA, you get bagged by the Batman, and it's like getting bagged by the cops: You lose your weapons, you lose some cash for a fine, and then you're let out to resume play from in front of Arkham.

---

( That's when you quit, change your name, and leave town. )

Ever since I started playing at capeandcowl I have been completely distracted. Here are some hilarious DC-related links from our spam comm.

Dating Chart meme - look for Batman's, I think on the third page.
Like a Boss - okay, fine, this is totally about Iron Man and not anything to do with DC.
Tags relevant - in which we talk about the Riddler.
Cry Wolf - the game also known as werewolf or mafia. Watch who dies! See who is a wolf! O, the drama!
Trailer Triplets - what would happen if Bullseye, Carnage, and Black Mask lived together in a trailer park? They get drawn as cats, that's what.
Moar kitties - what it says
Demotivational Meme - "Breasts: Because you can't motorboat personalities".
The Disneyland Meme - everyfuckingbody goes to Disneyland, all right?
Liefield GTFO - I just died in your arms tonight. Bonus Marla Elliot.
Mystery Drink Meme - search for all three instances of Batman trying to kryptonite-punch Smallville!Clark.
Things that matter in life - Duh.
Slow motion you guys - sslloowwmmoo
Buy Shamwow or I'll blow things up - as it says
Thomas Elliot insults Bullseye and Carnage - that's right, THOMAS. ELLIOT.
Best Spidey app ever - Now this is a story.

<Jillian> ... /co/. No. (Why did I start reading again??)
<Jillian> "Sailor Moon Written by Frank Miller
<Jillian> What would it be like? Would you read it?"
<Rahne42> .......
<Slarti> hahahah
<Slarti> "By the Power of the Goddamned Moon..."
<Jillian> hahahaha
<Kaa> fast hands, big mouth...
<Jillian> at least the whores are already written in? *ducks*

---

<Jillian> ................... is anyone following Final Crisis
<Jillian> not that it matters because I'm going to WTF right now about Inertia's magical girl transformation
<Slarti> Nooooo, it's a trap!
<Jillian> hfjdshfkjsdh goddamnit Piper turned himself in. fuck your conscience! anti-life equation, Piper! garharkjdhfjkd. >:O
<Slarti> Yeah, but Jill, acknowledging that Piper has Anti-Life would mean acknowledging Countdown.
<Slarti> And do you really want to do that?
<Jillian> Libra totally said it! It's too late!
<Slarti> Who? I don't know who you're talking about. In fact, I'm not even sure what comics you're referring to. Are you sure you're feeling all right?


No. No, I'm not feeling all right at all. ;___; But this makes me feel better.

<Karra> Hm.
<Slarti> What I wonder is.
<Slarti> Did he dye his hair, or are we supposed to believe that he ~*plastic surgeoned*~ black hair instead of red?
<Kai> Huh, I guess he looks kinda like Bruce, if Bruce had almost entirely black, soulless pits for eyes.
<Karra> Which is crazier?
<Karra> And more illogical?
<Kai> A wizard did it.
<Slarti> Best Self-Operating Plastic Surgeon In The World
<Karra> Theory: Hush stalked Bruce Wayne's barber for...a year or so, and transplanted the follicles into his own head, and THEN he got Poison Ivy to make him some Fancy Herbal Shampoo that turns transplanted hair into your own.
<Jillian> countdown to Bruce!Hush/Batman porn in 3...2...

---

<Karra> part of me
<Karra> hopes hush DOES secretly replace Batman with his folgers crystal
<Slarti> So, pretty much the same thing as Final Crisis, only Batman-specific.
<Slarti> I don't want to know about Hush's Folger's Crystal.

The state of relations between two of Batman's rogue gallery. (SFW)


<Jillian> here is Trickster. he is dead ;__; but it is ok, he is in a better place (... un...less he isn't, and he pops up again in the upcoming Hell storyline)
<Kitling> Those are some awesome shoes he has
<Jillian> Piper and his STUPID KEYTAR B|
<Kitling> Keytar: :(
<Slarti> haha
<Jillian> he has his rat friend :>
<Jillian> ok the keytar does ONE useful thing and that is subtly disguise how gay his pants are. ..... by being SPECTACULARLY gay right in front of them.
<Slarti> And he has goggles, which are neither green sunglasses nor glowing green eyes.
<Jillian> hahahaha SHUT UP SLARTI
<Jillian> DC continuity: *whhOOooOoOOoop!*
<Slarti> Rip's eyes: *keep changing colors*
<Jillian> Piper: *to Rip* can I borrow your eye drops :(
<Slarti> Rip: Just as long as you don't use 'em as sunglasses cleaner.


( In which we speculate about teenager versions of DC characters. )

"It's a twist: Metropolis IS Gotham during the day, and Gotham is Metropolis at night. So living in one is the as living in the other. WRAP YOUR MIND AROUND THAT ONE!"

"Go back to bed, Grant."

• observe! the perils of the multiverse.
• well, Lex, that's what you get.
• BREAKING NEWS! Tony Stark is Bruce Wayne!

( much talk of Green Lanterns, and also of J'onn, who is green. )

Has "my parents are dead!!!" been beaten to death already? NO. NEVER.

---

Dear Simon Dark: ........... what
- fhjklfhdjahjwhj
- ?!

---

Swamp Thing: Elemental. Defender of the Green. Scenester.

---

WHAT IF? J.J. Jameson were part of the DC universe?
- short version
- long version

---

<Slarti> Oh, hey, look, the last thing I said, according to my command buffer, was: <Slarti> (And, due to recent comics, I say again: God*dammit*, Grant...)
<Jillibean> lulz
<Slarti> Can we please get someone to adjust his dose? Someone? Please?
<Terana> People have tried, Slarti. But any mere mortal who gets within arms' length of him gets high by proxy. :(
<Terana> ...really, it's sort of why DC keeps him around.

<Slarti> I really wish the dialogue, during the Darkseid/Superman fight, where Darkseid's flipping out about Superman daring to touch him, had been written so Superman replied, "Superman dares all, Darkseid!"
<Slarti> It wouldn't really have made up for the idiocy of the fight, but it would've at least been mildly funny.
* Jillian then pictures Superman lounging casually on Mary Marvel's couch, eating all the nachos, rearranging her TiVo, x-raying her walls for lead in the paint, etc.

( We took all of the continuity from both DC and Marvel. They can't be trusted with it anymore. )

And now for an old classic: ( the origins of CreepySupes. )

<Terana> ....man. Countdown. Is this series as confusing as s_d makes it seem?
<Kai> Probably
<Terana> Okay, 'cause I just saw the preview for next week on s_d.
<Terana> Though I sorta dig Darkseid just chillin' on Mary's couch.
<Slarti> Checking out the books on her shelves, seeing what's on the TiVo, taking a nap, eating all the nachos.
<Terana> Hoping to watch her have a little "me time."
<Slarti> haha Yes.
<Slarti> "Ohgod. You didn't eat the two week old leftover vindaloo, did you?!"    "Darkseid dares all, Mary."


/co/ntributions:

> "Darkseid, have you been on the couch ALL DAY?"
"House marathon, man!"

> Granny Goodness died, so we know he isn't getting any.

> Your post involuntarily made me picture Darkseid and Granny Goodness getting it on. Such thoughts will haunt me forever.

> that's the Anti-Life Equation

- In reaction to the latest fuck-up on Countdown or Gotham Underground, simply look at this scan of Batman. Instant lulz.

- Tim has issues. (NSFW) Thank you for illustrating them, however you are!

- Booster Bustier Gold, best Green Lantern ever! slowpoke.

- Ohhhh! I see what you did there.

- I think J'onn would be a little offended at being at all associated with scientology, but hey. It could definitely be worse.

\m/ OREOS FOR XENU!! \m/

<kai> ............... Are
<kai> Are Booster's lasers
<kai> Really, really called "Booster Shots"
<Jillian> hahahahahahahaha

---

(Talking about holographic image inducers)
<Jillian> ahjslhfahahaha Skeets should get one. And he can take the form of every cute animal sidekick, ever. Or, when he's bored, just a floating head.
<kai> Ahahahaha MFY
<Jillian> Skeets: *floating Rip head*
<kai> Skeets via Rip head: B|   Booster: WHAT DID I- wait. Skeets D:<
<Jillian> X3 X3
<Jillian> Skeets: BOOSTER TIME IS HARDENED, AND SO ON AND SO FORTH
<kai> Booster: Don't you lecture me, Mr. NO MAN ESCAPES ME.
<Jillian> Skeets: But I am RIP HUNTER, stubbly man of SCIENCE ACTION!

---

* kai browses for characters that have appeared with Boo- ... /Awkward Man/???
<kai> Who the fuck
<kai> AWKWARD MAN.
<Jillian> hahahaha
<Atreyu> So, the normal team-up for Booster, then?

---

<kai> Superboy appears to be trying to show Spoiler how to shake her booty whilst Cass hangs out on the ceiling.
<FP> Cass likes to watch.
<Jillian> Lulz, I see Animal Man is on the floor. AWESOME
<kai> this is the comic that panel is from
<Jillian> aaaand Batman is at the bar. scaring away would-be underage drinkers, no doubt.
<kai> Seriously, it's like, this party was designed to catch Poison Ivy?
<kai> Why did this require the entire Batfamily plus a million
<Jillian> Yeah, if anybody, you'd think they would be CONSPICUOUSLY PARTY POOPER ABSENT.
<kai> You'd think. Maybe they advertised it as a costume party.
<kai> SUPRISE! BATFUCKED.

<Jillian> wh.....at
<Kai_> "over 63 metahuman abilities" what, not OVER NIIIIINE THOOOOOOUUUUSAAAAND?
<Kai_> Also I do not think parallel universe probability works that way :(
<Jillian> hahaha WHAT?? OUTRAGEOUS, KAI
<Kai_> "countermeasures against Themysciran magic in the event of an Amazon Attack" O RLY
<Kai_> I wonder if Attack was capitalised BEFORE that series
<Kai_> "He hits Wally West with a beam that takes away his protective aura, so that the very act of running damages him faster than his Healing Factor can keep up with" Wally has what. ... Speed Force >:/
<Terana> EVERYONE has a healing factor, baby.
<Jillian> "Triumph later came under the influence of a malign Thunderbolt named Lkz" .... really. "Lkz"?
<Slarti> Ah, yes.
<Terana> Unless they're wimminz. Then cold temperatures'll neutralise it.
<Terana> *roundabout*
<Jillian> At the end of this arc, the Spectre transformed Triumph into ice and prepared to smash him with a hammer, but was stopped by a compassionated plea by the angel Zauriel.
<Jillian> His ice form was stored in the Justice League headquarters. Grant Morrison, the writer of this story, later destroyed the headquarters, but forgot to remove Triumph from there, presumably killing him in the process.
<Jillian> Yay, Grant!
<Kai_> Thunderbolts need no vowels
<Kai_> And lulz
<Kai_> So the JLA can terraform Mars, but only if the Earth needs evacuating, bitches.
<Terana> Well, you know what they call proactive heroes.
<Terana> Tony Stark.
<Jillian> hahahahaa
<Terana> :(
<Slarti> Thunderbolts are from the 5th Dimension. They don't use vowels; just ask Mxyzptlk.

---

<Jillian> "A brilliant doctor named Dr. Engstrom reconnected his optic nerves to his fingertips, enabling him to see through them." I'm not sure we're all using the same definition of "brilliant", here.
<Kai_> ... Hahaha um
<Terana> Eyes do not work like that. ._.
<Kai_> That's... no.
<Shard> That word you keep using. I do not think it means what you think it means.
<Jillian> "I've reconnected your eyes to your FINGERS!!"     "BRILLIANT!!!!"
<Mattybee> "MAN MASTURBATING IS SO WEIRD NOW >_<"
<Terana> It's a Guinness commercial!
<Kai_> Thanks, Matty, for taking it there
<Mattybee> No problem

---

In other news, Grant Morrison is insane, which we knew but now we know. It's magic!

<Jillian> hahahaha, MUST you REALLY call Nightwing's projectiles "wingdings"
<Kai_> LOL
<Kassy> ... that just makes me think of Dick throwing random ass symbols at people.
<Kassy> SQUIGGLY AMPERSAND
<Kai_> ... Yes
<Jillian> hahahah, yes
<Jillian> *bonk* "wtf???"
<Kassy> BOLD ARROW
<Jillian> "WHERE THE FUCK ARE THESE COMING FROM"
<Kai_> Tim: *Studies aftermath of one of Dick's fights* But what is he trying to SAY??
<Jillian> XD
<Kassy> Tim would UNDERSTAND.
<Kassy> The HIDDEN MESSAGE
<Kassy> Of Dick's FIGHTING STYLE
<Kai_> *Snerk*
<Jillian> Tim: *doodles* b...uttse... no, I put that down for ALL of them.


( Buttload! )

<j> also, I like that of course, Roy has to be the one to ask the big question.
<j> because ONLY ROY would know, since ONLY ROY has EVER DONE DRUGS, EVER
<j> (Hourman: >_>)

---

<s> I was amused that the person who (almost, were it not for Batman's dialogue-stomping) was recognizing Superman as high as a kite... was Roy "Speedy the Heroin Addict" Harper.
<j> HAHAHA SEE

---

<b> Oh yes, we still need Swamp Thing/Pete Wentz.
<r> We DO
<b> Patrick makes a stew for an ill Pete, not realising he has chopped and cooked in some /very special tubers/.
<d> . . .
<r> jhbnk

---

<s> ["I'm not a god. *takes off cowl* I'm a man."   "Holy crap, you're Bruce Wayne!"   "...Shit."]
<s> ["Well, Bruce, I could always wipe their m--"   "asfhsdofwogwo"]

---

<b> COUNTDOWN IS MULTIVERSAL FOREPLAY.

<j> also, would it kill the government to LEAVE CAPTAIN BOOMERANG'S CORPSE ALONE ALREADY? O____o Lol Nightwing #140, he's a ... flying zombie monkey.
<k> Somewhere, deep in the bowels of congress, is a very bored yet inventive clerk who somehow got elected "Dude In Charge Of Captain Boomerang's Corpse" and he is going to have his fun doing crazy shit with it, damn you all B|
<j> hahahaha
<t> XD
<t> He rents it out by the hour.
<j> Now we know what's happening to all the masses of superheroes getting killed off. They're being turned into meat puppets by bored bureaucrats.
<t> Ala Kill Bill, except less often for sex.
<k> (They certainly regretted inventing the Wheel O' Corpses that day)

---

<j> I probably shouldn't facepalm at Piper telling Boomer that the Rogues "won't fill that empty hole".

<j> D'awwwww. Poor BB.
<n> D'awwww.
<j> he's just like ":|"
<k_> XD
<k_> Rocket penguins?
<j> become a leopard seal, BB! and EAT THEM :D
* k_ wonders how Batman feels about having not only rocket penguins but two random Titans in his cave
<k_> *Snrk*
<k_> Batman: ... No more slumber parties B|
<k_> And... the helmets have little umbrellas on the sides. JUST IN CASE you couldn't tell who was responsible!
<j> hahahaha
<j> Batman: Eh, Aqualad can't do shit.
<j> Robin: Jesus, I know they're not fish, but they DO swim... step it up, Garth.
<k_> Hahaha, I bet Alfred has to bring him a glass of water EVERY. HOUR. Or maybe he just sleeps in the Bat-pool.
<j> snork
<j> Aqualad: Too much .... chlorine .... but don't dare complain ...... x____x
<k_> XD
<j> next day, Aquaman: Hey, my kid's blond now.
<k_> Batman: Kids these days >_>

( the Penguin has branding issues. )


( These are old, but necessary to understanding how our minds work. )